There hasn’t been a single Netflix rep present for any of the welcome-to-the-show cast and crew pre-parties, which makes no sense to me. The budget is lower than expected-not that there’s anything wrong with a low-budget project, it’s just that that’s not exactly the type of budget you want for a sprawling postapocalyptic drama about a small town where a virus breaks out and everyone over twenty-one starts dying. I don’t respond to these scripts even more than I didn’t respond to the pilot. I may be a part of Netflix’s first-ever dud. I’m sitting in my trailer, thumbing through the scripts for episodes two through six when a terrible realization hits me. I am ready to clear everything and everyone out of my life if necessary. The soul-scraping introspection it takes to understand where bad habits and insecurities and self-sabotaging patterns come from and why, plus the motivation to challenge and change those bad habits and insecurities and self-sabotaging patterns even as they continue to get triggered over and over again by various life events. It will mean working on my issues, facing them head-on instead of letting them serve as distractions or trying to pretend they’re less than they are. It will take continuous effort, time, and attention. “I know focusing on myself won’t be easy. I also twirl every time I enter my bathroom, but at least that one’s kinda fun.)” ![]() (This is one of my OCD tics that lingers. I write the phrase in my diary and touch it five times. I plow through them in a week and come up with a solid affirmation-type mission statement of a plan, a mission statement that I think sums up the gist of all the self-help knowledge I’ve accumulated over the past week. “So the day I get into Yorkville, the neighborhood in Toronto where I’m staying, I begin my real-deal endeavor with a trip to the bookstore to pick up a stack of self-help books. But real deals-Netflix stars-aren’t messes. Kid show stars can be messes with all their alcohol abuse and bulimia. I’m convinced that my life is turning around, that this new job is exactly the motivation I need to jump-start getting my life on track. I arrive at my hotel apartment excited, inspired even. “It’s October 1st when I touch down in Toronto, the cleaner, friendlier New York City I’ll call home for the next three months of my life. This seemed like good logic to me, so I signed the contract.” The polite term for this in acting is to say, “I don’t respond to the material,” even if the exact language might be something more like, “I’m terrified this might be trash.” But my agents had urged me to do the project because the paycheck was pretty good, the only other projects I was being offered were cheesy sitcom roles and reality shows, and they said it’s worth it to make the connection with a respectable up-and-coming company like Netflix. I had expressed early concerns about the pilot script. ![]() Granted, “taking it” wasn’t the easiest of choices. Well, actually it’s an ensemble, but I’m the lead and, considering the network upgrade, I’ll take it. I’ve been offered the lead role in a new Netflix series-NETFLIX (cue confetti)-and this is no two-hander, baby. FOR THE first time in years, I have hope.
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